I Love You Across the Stars
by timenspace
Summary: Through and after ROTJ,OU, AU, EU. Han and Leia fall in love. The search to discover the roots of Han's mysterious past. this was originally supposed to be AU from Han Solo Trilogy, but has ended up being different. Discontinued.
1. Chapter 1

**SETTING: OU, Jabba's Palace, during ROtJ**

**CHARACTERS: Leia and Han, still falling in love**

**DISCLAIMER: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas**

Leia: Quietly I crept down the hall. I was suffocating in this ridiculous bounty hunter's costume. I looked up at the carbonite slab. I wanted a breath, a minute to collect my thoughts. But no. Force be with me. I examined it carefully, and as I had memorized a million times with Lando, I pressed the series of buttons.

Han: I was trying desperately not to think about her. Trying desperately not to itch. Gods, that place right in the middle of your back. Damn! Leia. No that only made me more crazy. Jabba? Oh I'd like to take a lightsabre to that slug! Luke. No the kid just reminded me of Leia all over again. Chewie? No, that just made me worried. Think of nothing! No, that was too scary. Forces warred there. Leia. Dammit Solo, you'll probably never see her again. But I couldn't stop. I'm trapped in this carbonite, deeply in love. Hell probably feels like this. Leia. Leia. I wanted to touch her face, just once! Just once! Flaming red hot light! Damn, I really am going crazy. Unless…dare I hope it? I'd kill myself if it was 1000 years older. I couldn't live another day, without her. Of that I was sure. The light grew warm, and I didn't dare move. Bad decision. I flopped like a dead storm trooper to a sandy floor. Hands turn me over…

Leia: Was he dead? Oh this better not be true, Han. I hope you're faking 'cuz then I can tease you later. Calm yourself Leia: the Force told you he was okay. Come on, Han. He's coming to.

Han: Someone was tenderly holding me. Oh dear. I am dead! Damn!

"Where…where am I?" I ask. Aw hell! I can't see! Shavits!

"Jabba's Palace." I don't recognize the raspy voice. "You're free of the carbonite."

Cautiously I twitch my toes. I blink again.

"I can't see," I say…my voice reveals the panic in my heart.

"You have hibernation sickness. It will pass." Who IS that?

"Who…who are you?"

The hands are gone for a moment.

"One who loves you…" this time the voice.

"Leia!" I reach up, trying to caress her cheek. Tears leap into my unseeing eyes. I've wanted to hear her voice for so long…

"Come on," she helps me up. "We have to get you out of here!"

So who's a smuggler now? I could chuckle.

But someone else does. HOHOHOHO. Damn that Hutt!

"I know that laugh," I wish I could spit venom in the slugs face. If I could see.

"Jabba…" I can't find the source of the voice, but Leia gently turns me in the right direction. "Look, Jabba." I try to negotiate with the gangster boss.

DO you want more? REVIEW. I know this is mostly from Han's perspective, but the dialouge got confusing when I wrote it with Leia's thoughts. C'mon, Han is more fun to write about anyway. If you don't like it, FLAME IT.


	2. Han's flashback

here Han has a flashback in his mysterious past. AU where Han goes on a search to discover his true past, something he's buried for a long time. this is told from his point of view. the Shako is something of my own creation.

HAN'S FLASHBACK

I was shivering. Cold. So cold. I sniffled, looking at our house. Or what used to be our house. Now it was just a smoldering heap. My mother died weeks ago, and since I was just a boy with no known relatives, the Republic guards burned our house. I didn't remember who my father was. Hunger gnawed my stomach. I held my knees. Bitter tears were in my eyes, but I forced them back. A big boy doesn't cry. But the tears came anyway. Where was my father? I remembered a smiling bearded man, nothing else. Maybe it was the stories mother told me, or a dim memory. I didn't know for sure. I wandered aimlessly through the city. The humans and creatures scowled at me. One day I would blast all of them, just wait. My nose told me of aranja fruit. Yeah, it's pretty disgusting, but I was hungry. I sidled past the fruit stand, sneaking one into my pocket.

"Hey!" shouted the fruit stand owner. "You! Boy! Stop!" I took off running. I ducked in an alley, right into a Shako, a humanoid creature, that was often looked down upon by its citizens. He looked like a wrinkly old man. He opened his mouth to shout.

"Look old guy," I hushed. "This fruit is all I got. Now I'll share with you. Half. You promise not to yell, yes?"

The old Shako grinned at me, and then pointed toward his alley, making little "ah-wan" noises. Shavits! I didn't know Shakosh. Not a word of it. I was still shaking, but I nodded. The kind old Shako came after a few minutes. And I gave him half of the aranja I had promised. He ate as though he was almost as starved as I was. I'd have to be more careful stealing next time. The old Shako let me stay in the alley a couple weeks, and I brought him half of the booty I had stolen. Once I brought a whole chicken, and we ate like kings for 3 days. Then the chicken went bad, and I had to steal again. Then this guy with a blaster came and spoke with the Shako. I didn't understand what they said, but I knew they were talking about me. Shako gestured to the alley and talked animatedly. "wan-wan-ah-wan-ah." As soon as I saw the money bag, I took a hint, and went off running. But a blaster to the head, can stop even a four year old at a dead run.

"Yesss," slimed a voice, "he'll doo purrfekly." And then I remembered blacking out. And nothing else.

The vision was fading….wait, NO! I've got to see it, who was my father?

--

And yes, I'm going to torture you, and end here. review if you want it to continue.


	3. Blind memory

The vision was fading...no! wait!

"Jabba…Look Jabba, I was just on my way to pay you back, I got sidetracked…look, I'll pay you double, triple, Jabba…no, please you're making a big mistake…"

LEIA! DON'T YOU DARE HURT LEIA! But I shut up, and didn't say anything else as the guards shoved me in a cell, I almost fell in…water? Probably not. Maybe a good thing I didn't see.

"Grooooff."

Take that thought back. Hope it's not a monster. No, that's a Wookie. From the sound, it's a very big Wookie.

"Ch-chewie?"

"Grarrar." _Cub!_

"Chewie, is that you?"

"Gararraa" _It is you, cub!_ Where was he?

"Chewie!" Yeah, I was glad to see him. Suddenly embraced by this big smelly fur ball.

"Gragraggrrr." _Happy to see you cub! How are you?_

"I can-can't see pal, what's going on?"

"Grgrrrarargrfgfrgrf." _Luke's trying to rescue you._

"L-luke? Luke's crazy he can barely take care of himself, much less rescue anybody."

"Grfgruffuffga." _He's a Knight._

"A Jedi Knight? I'm out of it for a little while and everyone gets delusions of grandeur." Like that confounded flashback. Why did I remember after all these years? Chewie hugged me tightly, rumbling pleasantly. Ruffling my hair. "Not now pal." I was thinking of Dewlanna. "I'm all right. But he kept ruffling my hair and hugging me. Goof.

"Glad to see you again, pal."

"Grugfg." _Chewie happy too cub._ The horrible grammar of Wookie. I had to smile despite everything. Come on Han think! Think! Go way back, go deep, go deep. Come on, Han think. Think.

Laughter, its distant.

"Han! Han? Where are you?"

Giggles. Happy times. Things that were only a feeling before were suddenly coming back. Go deep, Han. Go deep. Yes it's painful, I know. Go deep.

"Graaa." _Cub, what's wrong?_

"Shh."

Gotta think. Faces, faces. A man? More giggles.

"I found you. I found you, son." He had a crooked grin, and a scar that ran diagonally from his eyebrow to his chin, as though he were slashed with a rapier. Then the memories came. One after another. Like someone was fast forwarding holos right in my face.

"Dad, can I fly? Please?" Remembered being behind the wheel. And my father laughing.

More giggles. Then running. Warm dinner.

Watching him sneak a kiss to my mother. Their secret grins across the table that didn't miss my ever watchful gaze.

The day he didn't come home one night. A man was at the door, but mother wouldn't let me see him.

Mother crying. Crying into my hair.

And the day she couldn't pay. The day they burned our house. She put me in the cellar, said she would come soon. But she didn't. Shots fired. I stayed there for days, waiting….waiting for her to come find me.

I finally came out, to smoldering heaps of ash. Nothing else. I assumed she'd been killed or kidnapped. Never knew for sure. Still don't know.

"Gragrrgarrr!" _Cub, wake up. Guards._

I snapped out of the memory. Why couldn't I see. Oh. I'm in a cell, in Jabba's Palace. Probably going to be executed. And I'll never know if my mother lived. Or she died with those dreaded shots.


	4. after the Endor Battle

After the rescue, and after the battle of the planet Endor, Leia was tiredly leaning her head on Han's shoulder. He couldn't help but smile. And here he had thought the whole time she was in love with her brother! But what about that kiss? Oh. She was just making him jelous. He grinned again. But there was that nagging thought in the back of his mind. Was his mother really dead? Or was she only captured? Was she still alive? What if there was a chance? He was relation to the Sal-Solos, but that meant nothing. Thracken was a bully, he'd known that from the beginning. Were there any relatives of his? He had to have some family at the wedding...wait, a wedding? He hadn't even proposed yet! Just assumed the Princess would say yes. Dammit Han, stop it. You can't go ahead and make plans without even telling her! An Ewok rubbed up against him gratefully, happy the battle had been won, and the emperor was dead. Freedom once again reigned in the galaxy. Still the outer rim wouldn't find out about these things until...why did his thoughts keep returning to his family? Had the carbonite gone to his head? He hadn't cared before, maybe because he'd never found love quite like the love he'd found now. Leia and Luke were like family (well Luke would be his brother if he and Leia got married).

Leia smiled up at him. "What's on your mind?"

Han grinned lopsided down at her. "Alot of things."

"The battle isn't over you know," she said.

"I know. And I'm right here beside you all the way." Did he have the courage to ask her?

"Thank you. For what you did today." Not yet. It had to be perfect. How did you propose to a woman anyway? Like Leia? Yes, he'd been in love with Bria, oh gods no, i don't want to think about her.

"What's wrong, Han? Something troubles you?"

"Am I really that readable?"

"Well, it's written all over your face."

"Just thinking of our losses. My losses. Before...before you." He'd already told her about Bria, but only the basics, the few details. He'd eliminated the fact that sometimes he questioned himself if he was still in love. Gods, she'd betrayed a neighbor to the Imperials, and the same people killed her. No one trusts an allay. Stick out for yourself, take no sides, take no prisoners. Until Leia. He was her prisoner. Trapped. Falling in love.

"Bria?"

"Yes. And my...my mother. I..." He couldn't say it. I want to know what happened.

"You want to know what happened to her? Han that is more than just a galaxy-wide search."

"She could be dead. I can investigate now. The Empire isn't chasing us at every turn."

"They will be," Luke said solemnly. "Just because my father killed the Emperor doesn't mean there is not more Sith around, or loyal Imperialists."

"How can they be loyal to an Empire that was so oppressive? I thought most people in their right mind joined the Rebellion." Han said hotly.

"The Empire provided for them. Government benefits. Not everyone knows how oppressive they really were, Han."

"The Empire didn't just kill the resistance. They discredited them publicly. Alderaan was officially declared as a planet of corruption and filth, that refused to succumb to the benefits of the Empire. That's what Corellia will think. You can't always kill the poison at the source, Han. You have to extract it, little by little."

The Kid's gone serious. Grown up.

"He's right, Han," Leia said seriously. "Just because the Emperor is dead doesn't mean we're out of danger."

_So there's still a price on my head. I'm still a fugitive. I've gotta find my mother, if the Empire hasn't already. I have to find out what happened to her. I can live with it if she is dead. She's been dead to me for over twenty years, why do I suddenly think she still could be alive? This does NOT make sense,_ Han thought.

"Could the Force find her?" That's a dumb question.

"I never thought of using the Force to find someone, but I don't know. Tell me what you remember, Han. Maybe I can feel her." Luke said.

"Flashes. Feelings. Distant memories. Like an ancient holo. I remember the day my father said goodbye. And he didn't come home for weeks. It was the Clone Wars then, it had only begun. My father loved the Republic, that I remember. And the day the man came to the door and made my mother cry. She cried for days until she told me we'd have to leave our little flat in Corellia. And there was family, I think. And she couldn't pay off a debt of Father's and take us to another system. She told me to hide in the cellar, and then I heard blaster shots, she never came for me, and I ended up on the streets. I didn't know who this family was, I had nowhere else to go."

"You poor baby." Leia snuggled closer.

"But I didn't remember till now. One day I was Han Solo, loved by my mother, the next I was just Han, with no past. I didn't remember anything, just the feeling of what my mother was like. Was it the carbon freeze?"

"The Force has its reasons to say things to us, even though some of us aren't Force sensitive," Leia began.

"If you 'sense' her, then isn't she dead?" Han asked. "I can accept that, I just want to know what happened. And where the rest of my family is. They would help us with the Rebellion, if they aren't already."

"We'll get some rest. I'll try Han, see if I can't find out anything."

"Thanks Luke."

"It's the least I can do after you saved my life. And Leia's."

Han shook Chewie. "Come on, old pal. Let's go to our ship, and sleep, eh?"

Chewie grumbled, "Cub should not wake up after long battle."

"Sorry old pal. You can sleep in the galley again, though."

At this Chewie was more enthusiastic about sleeping in the _Falcon._

"You aren't staying here, Han?" Leia asked.

She wants me to stay? What's this all about?

"I have to watch the ship, Leia. And Chewie and I have to get up early and begin repairs if we're going to continue fighting."

"Oh. Well. Goodnight...Han."

_Ask her. Ask her. Do you wanna stay with me tonight. Ask her. Just say it, nerf herder._

"'Night, Leia." We started walking back. The woods were dark, but I had my hololight.

_What would the Ewoks think? We're not married, not yet anyway._

"You should have asked, cub." Chewie scolded.

"But where would she sleep?"

"With you, cub. She is your mate."

"Not yet, Chewie. I haven't asked."

"You don't have to ask. Both you know already. And she like you before Bespin."

"Yes. I know that. I just need to ask her. It's not the proper thing for a princess..."

"No one cared before. You just like her and don't know how to ask..."

"Ask what?"

"Mates."

"Chewie, humans are really strange."

He gaffawed at that one.

"No, in mating rituals. The girl has to be asked.

"You asked her to stay with you."

"Yes, I know that. But things are different now. She has to fight for the Rebellion. She's the Last Princess of Alderaan, there's going to be a ton of guys she needs to marry in order to make a treaty and things like that. And...I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Cub want Princess to mate someone else?"

"No, I don't. Here's the Falcon. We'll have to get the Ewoks to help us restore the hyperdrive, unless you think you and me can do it."

"Tommorrow Cub. Early."

"Okay, okay."

"And you talk to Princess. Tell her you...love?"

"Yes, now go to bed. I'm more tired than a Bantha after a long walk in the desert."

meantime Luke was in medition. Trying to probe the universe. Searching through what Han had described. What was that feeling? Was it Force-sensitive?


	5. Nightmares of the Past

A/N: I'm in college, so I'm sorry if it's a month before I update again. I'm sorry if the dialouge is confusing, this just came to me at 3 am one night.

TIME/PLACE: Shortly after the Endor battle, Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewie are trying to find the other rebels. Han is still holding up that he might be able to find his mother. This is Han's POV.

They were flying though hyperspace again.

And there was no one to talk to.

Leia was in the 'fresher.

Luke was meditating, maybe that wasn't so bad after all.

Chewie was piloting, and the droids had shut down.

That left me all alone.

I was in his quarters, lying flat on my back.

Why did he keep having these mysterious flashbacks?

It was just after-effects of the carbonite.

No, I'm not Force-sensitive, the midichlorian count...wait, Luke didn't tell me that, how do I know?

This brain-wracking was making me tired.

I didn't mean to, but I was nodding off.

Floating again, like drifting aimlessly through space. Seamless. No beginning or end to it.

The sand and water of Corellia. Laughter again. Learning to swim. How old can I be here?

Five maybe?

My mother's shy light laugh, my father's booming laughter, water splashing.

Sudden pain.

NEVER TO REMEMBER. IT'S FOR THE BEST...

Pain shooting through my head. Held down. My voice. I couldn't talk.

_Mother! Where are you?_ I'm screaming in pain.

YOU WOULD HAVE GONE CRAZY, ANY CHILD WOULD.

PERFECTLY SENSIBLE.

COMPLETELY NORMAL.

Who was that? That voice. It wasn't Vader's, that I knew. More serpentine, more evil.

My mother. Weeping. Veiled in black. Nodding yes.

The body on the table. I winced. The laughing face I called Father was replaced by a bloody mass of flesh.

Mother covered my eyes.

MY MASTER IS SUCH A THING NECESSARY?

I heard myself screaming in pain.

But that voice? That Voice. I knew that Voice.

A CLEARING OF THE YOUNG MIND WILL BE YOUR ASSISTANT, MY APPRENTICE. LEARN TO CONTROL IT, YOU MUST.

_Fight it, Solo. Fight it. You have to remember. Don't forget Solo. YOU ARE HAN SOLO._

FORGET YOU ARE NOTHING

_YOU ARE HAN SOLO_

Mother!

FORGET

_DON'T FORGET SOLO...SOLO...SOLO_

Dad, where are you? Oh, you're...why...no...I can't remember.

Just a name. One name. Han Solo. My name.

I don't remember escaping. I just remember getting out.

Wait, vision, shadow figure. Blue light. Calling me.

Calling without voice.

_You can get out Han Solo._

_You must._

_When you need us, we will be with you. Forever. _

Who are you? my young voice asking empty air.

_The FORCE._

Where were you when my dad died, huh?

And my mother? I barely remember her.

The voice was silent. No wonder I don't believe in this stuff anymore.

WHERE IS HE?

HE ESCAPED, MY MASTER.

YOU HAVE FAILED ME VADER!!

Vader. Vader's voice.

I WILL NOT FAIL YOU AGAIN, MASTER.

_ANI. My name. part of it. ANI-What? I don't know who I am anymore._

Suddenly frightened. I realized with terror I had been hearing his thoughts. Vader's thoughts. I remember running, then.

My face felt numb from the electricity.

And I was trying to remember.

The look on my mother's face.

My father's laugh.

YOU WILL NOT REMEMBER.

YOU ARE DARTH RIEKANA

_NO! YOU ARE HAN SOLO...HAN SOLO...HAN SOLO_

Why was I suddenly feeling sympathy?

Yes he was Leia's father.

Yes he had turned to the light side, whatever _THAT _meant.

But all I remembered was this black cloaked monster that ordered carbon freeze.

Mother.

Before the fire.

Before I had run away.

Before the horrible pain...the fresh electricity still coursing through my system, ow!

My head hurt.

_I heard the engine roar._

_Piloting with my father._

That's what I would do.

I would do what my father did.

I would take on commissions.

But I would have to learn how to fly first.

Ow! my head drummed with the pain.

It was pouring rain.

I huddled in the alley, shivering with cold.

The rain soaked my clothes, drumming against my body.

Just as the voices were drumming in my head.

YOU ARE HAN SOLO HAN SOLO HAN SOLO

DON'T REMEMBER. YOU MUST NEVER REMEMBER.

_NO SOLO. YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER. FOR US._

Who were these voices?

Who are you? I asked, terrified. I didn't understand what was going on.

Creatures were staring at me as I whimpered in pain, holding my head, rocking back and forth.

_HAN SOLO SOLO SOLO_

_YOU CAN NEVER FORGET SOLO _

_FORGET IT FORGET EVERYTHING. DIE. YOU HAVE NO ONE._

_LIVE HAN SOLO. LIVE. YOU MUST LIVE._

_The voices. What were they? One was evil, one was unsure. The last voice sounded like my father, but he was dead._

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I cried out in terror. Now everyone would think I had lost my mind._  
_

"Han, wake up!" Leia's worried face was above mine.

I was safe. It had only been another damned flashback.

Chewie growled, Cub, you okay?

"I'm fine." I growled back. Oh shav, I had really done it this time. "I'm going to the control room."

The nightmares had returned.

--

And yes, I'm going to torture you, and end here. review if you want it to continue.

Do you like what you are seeing so far?


	6. Luke just doesn't understand

Disclaimer: George Lucas is the owner of Star Wars.

This is Han's POV.

I went into the control room.

I found myself trying to hold back the oncoming tears. This wasn't like me at all. Not the Han I had made everyone think I was. I covered my face with my hands. Part of me wished Leia was there. But how could I tell her that my memory had almost been blotted out by Darth Sidious? and that her father had - in the only way he knew how - spared me? She wouldn't believe it. She still couldn't believe Darth Vader was her father. Was that why I had pleaded for my life so hard? By then Vader had been nearly gone, almost completely rotted away by the Dark Side. Wait a minute, I don't believe this stuff.

"Han." Luke. Great. The last thing I need is the kid giving me advice on family affairs. The Force wouldn't tell him, come on, Han, be reasonable.

"You remember now, don't you?" he asked solemnly.

"What are you talking about, kid?" the words came out husky, betraying my tempestuous feelings.

"About Vader. How he 'spared' you. In a way."

"Spared me, kid? I didn't even remember anything but shivering in the rain till now."

"I didn't say completely saved you. Part of the memory erase worked. But it did not serve the purpose I think the Emperor intended."

"You remember family, kid." I began bitterly.

"Now you remember."

"Barely. I don't even know if my mother's still alive. She's probably, dead kid. And don't forget that I got frozen in carbonite, and you lost your hand..."

"Don't be so sure of everything, Han."

"Leia was even tortured by 'your father'. Why don't you use your Force sense and find her. Get it over with. You know I can't do that, kid"

"I can't do that." Luke was resigned.

"Why not?" I was demanding, angry. Why couldn't he tell me if my mother lived or was dead. It didn't satisfy the Force I would have taken either answer?

"I..." Luke paused. The Jedi wouldn't look me in the eye. "Only you can find her. I can't. There's a stone wall, I don't understand it."

"What are you talkin' about kid?"

"The Force...won't allow it."

I curled my lip at that one. The Force doesn't allow a Jedi who just happens to be my friend find my mother, gone, probably dead for the last twenty years.

"The Force won't allow it. What am I supposed to do, kid? Call your father back from the dead, and ask him? Ask the Republic guards who don't exist. I don't have your..." I wasn't sure what to call it... "...gift, kid."

"How do you know that? For sure?"

"I don't believe in it, kid. And you seemed to have forgotten that I failed the midichlorian count..."

"You still had a count, though."

"Everyone has a count, kid. They just weren't high enough."

"But how do you know you can't use the Force, even if you aren't Force-sensitive?"

"Aren't you asking some blasphemous questions, kid?"

"How do you, know Han? For sure?"

"For sure of what?" Leia. She put her arm around me in support, and I accepted the embrace.

"I don't know, kid. I didn't even believe in The Force."

"Until now. You didn't know you believed in it."

"All I care about is finding my mother, kid brother, not using some unknown power to balance in thin air."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I understand, Han." Leia gazed up at me, fear shining in her eyes.

"What am I afraid of, Princess? Your brother doesn't seem to understand."

"No, I get it."

"No you don't, Luke," Leia defended. "Han's as afraid as I am."

"Fear is..." Luke began wisely.

"And I don't know that, Luke?" Leia was angry now. Always prettiest when she was mad. The thought that she was arguing with her brother could have made me laugh, had I not been so distraught at the moment. "Han is just as afraid as I am. Of ending up like our Father. You know the Force, Luke. Please."

"I can't, there's a wall. Everytime I go within, and I ask, and I search, all I hear is this voice calling for Han. When I ask who it is, it clams right up, won't talk."

"I won't do it, kid. I am not you. I'm not Leia. I'm not even your father, for sake of the gods. I should have never even brought it up."

They were silent for a moment. Then Leia said to me, "You have every right to know what happened. You aren't a child, you deserve to know."

I set my jaw, and didn't directly reply. "Chewie needs relief. I'll be in the cockpit, if you need me." And I walked out.

As I walked out of the control room, Leia said firmly to her brother. "Do you have to be so hard on him?"

"I only..."

"He LOST HIS MEMORY LUKE! Childhood gone."

"That wasn't Vader's fault, maybe he froze him in carbonite to spare his life."

"You know that isn't true, ke. You're just trying as hard as I am to accept Vader was our father."

"Vader wasn't our father, Anakin Skywalker was."

"Same difference!"

I sighed. _Mother, are you really there? Can you hear anything? Or are you dead like father, gone forever? Or are you the Force like Luke says? I wish life wasn't so damn confusin'..._

continue, yes? or boring as a clone trooper on steroids?


	7. Ghosts

Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to Sir George, I only wish Han was mine.

_GHOSTS FROM MY PAST_

Leia came into the cockpit a few minutes later.

"I'm sorry," she said. "He doesn't understand you, like I do Han."

I didn't say anything, I was concentrating on the function of the hyperdrive, and not really on her words.

She ruffled my messy hair.

"Remember when we were caught in the garbage chute?"

I nodded, the crooked grin creeping onto my face.

"Yeah, you hugged me, remember?"

She had to smile at that one. "I didn't admit it then, but I fell for a scoundrel. I'm sorry it just took so long to admit it nerf herder."

I was smiling still, but I wasn't feeling it completely in my heart.

"You didn't tell me how you got that..." she said tracing her finger along my chin.

"Some idiot," I said. "You should have seen the other guy," but suddenly I wasn't sure.

Had I really gotten into a bar fight like I had told everyone? Or had it happen when I was smashed against the medicine cabinet with Force lightning?

I blinked, trying to see the ice blue of hyperspace. I rubbed my eyes.

"You haven't slept in days, Han. Let me fly."

"Fine,"_ what IS wrong with me? normally I would put up at least a lame fight._

"Are you going to the quarters or are you sleeping in the cockpit?"

I smiled, but I still didn't feel it was reaching my eyes. "I wanna be here, Leia. With you."

She had to grin this time.

She understood. Why didn't Luke get it? I was shouting the question in my head. How was that possible?

I sunk into the co-pilot's seat, suddenly overcome with exhaustion. There had been too many bad dreams for one night.

_Mother, can you hear me? _Oh gods, what am I doing...I can't use the Force...

_Han? You are alive?_ I'm hallucinating, I have to be hallucinating. But I'll play along. I may not think I can use the Force, but maybe this is just a confused ghost that thinks it's my father. I have to stop thinking about him and mother, the separation was too painful.

_Look ghost...how come you sound like my father?  
_

_I am NOT a ghost, Han. How did you learn the Force?_

If I lie, it might come back to haunt me. What IS wrong with me? I've become almost a superstitious as the kid. _My friends taught me the Force, who are you, and what do you want? If you're not a ghost, then what are you?_

_What happened to you, my son?_

_Wait a second. Father?  
_

_You don't believe I can talk to you? What have you done?_

_Hey, calm down, ghost-claiming-to-be-my father. I'm fine. What do you want from me. Why do you torment me with a past I don't remember?_

_I do NOT torment you. _This ghost reminded me of Luke. And Leia. The defiance.

_Luke? _

_No! It's your father, Shani Solo. Who's Luke? _Good thing a ghost has no knowledge in the afterlife. _A Jedi master tried to get me to talk. But I won't tell ANYONE where my son is. And you are my son, Han. You are mine and Shronei Solo's son._

A name. Finally names. But were they dead? I was afraid to open my eyes. Would I ruin the image of my beautiful mother if I saw her ghost? Did ghosts keep the wounds of life when they were dead, as now it was I sensed?

Hot breath on my cheek.

Slowly I opened my eyes. Nothing. Leia was piloting, concentrating.

"Something's wrong, Han."

"How do you know?"

"You were murmuring in your sleep. You never do that."

"I..."

"It's your mother, isn't it?" her tone was sympathetic. She understood.

I nodded wordlessly. "I don't want to ask Luke."

"Ask him what?"

"How to ask questions from a ghost."

I expected Leia to be shocked, to misread what it was I was trying to say.

"I don't know, Han. I never talked to a ghost. We've both seen them though."

"Yeah, I know."

Oh great, now I have scared her, something I wished I would never do again.

"Is it because you don't know how to ask, or you don't know what to ask."

"I don't even know, Leia. Look, if I could even replay the thoughts that were in my head, believe me I would."

"So you don't know what to ask."

"It's a little of both." I didn't know what else to say, and it is not often that Han Solo is a loss for words.

_Endor. And that really nice guy I had met on Corellia...just before...in the santoriom...the Jedi Knight...Leia's father that she refused to claim? ...why did I remember THAT all of a sudden? Now there's two things I don't understand, how did the Knight who comforted my mother ended up being the same man who'd tortured Leia, cut off Luke's hand, frozen me in carbonite...this was too much._

A few hours later we had landed on Kashykk. Knowing they would be the most sympathetic to our cause, I had set the course there first. Next on my destination list was Corellia, though I wasn't sure if we would get there next. Alot of diplomacy nerf had to be taken care of first.

A/N: tell me what you think so far...

should Han find his mother: dead or alive?

private message me with your results

review and tell me what you think...

I'm addicted to them!


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